Chicken pox -stay at home day 9
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
blogged @ 9:35 AM
What are your current fears?I'm afraid of school. It's stupid but it's true especially when you've been at home for 9 damn days, missing out on everything. You won't be sure when you go back to school if your friends will still treat you the same.
This is how i imagine school life will be after i recover:
(Compo style! Haha.)
I want to see my friends but i'm afraid that they wouldn't recognise me after 2 weeks. Maybe they won't even like me now, or they've never liked me. So nervously i walked towards my classroom. Besides the sound of the raindrops crashing into the ground, i could hear the usual chatters and shrills of laughter. Yep, that's my class alright. Always so high in the morning. Maybe they haven't changed, maybe it's still the same. So full of maybes, i stood at the entrance of the class, waiting for someone to say "Hi!" or give me a warm welcome back. Everyone had stopped what they were doing and there was dead silence. They were all staring at me. Why? Are they too surprise to see me? Or was is the other way round?
I glanced at my bestfriends, they too were staring at me. Their stares were icy cold, no longer laughing like what it used to be. Why? I felt a lump in my throat. Holding back my tears, i walked towards my seat confidently. There's someone in my seat. Great! First my friends, now my seat.
Feeling angry and sad at the same time, i looked straight into his eyes and mumbled, "Fine, take it. Take everything i have." I moved towards the back of the class where there was an empty seat at a corner. Taking my place, i looked around again. Everyone had gone back what they had been doing.
There's Gerald, he wouldn't ignore me, he's always nice. With that feeling of 'there's hope after all!' i greeted Gerald with a small smile, "Hi Gerald!"
He gave me an irritated look and went back to his reading. Did i do something that offended someone? Idk, but it seems like the class dislikes me a lot. Maybe it's just that i've never noticed it before, but what IS their real usual self? Moody, thinking about how to get rid of me?
Lessons wasn't any better. i didn't even understand a single words the teachers were saying and whenever they looked at me, they had they same cold stare. It was like a world full of hatred (for Grace) and they showed to love or concern to each other.
End.
SCARY!!
Anyway, yesterday Shu yi, Amanda and Shirley visited me :D Shirley can earlier and helped me with my chinese ws. And then we talked and played audi. Amanda and Shu yi came at 6.00 and left at 6.10
Too many problems, so i've decided to give up on everything. Everything means guys and maybe afew frens.
To the guys i'm talking about:(andy) If you're going to ignore me in school for the rest of your life then I'M DAMN OKAY WITH IT! I tried talking to you but you just pretended that i didn't exist! Stupid. I'm not talking to you. And i hate you like how much i hate school and like how Daffy duck hates Bugs bunny. You're most probably why i hate school. ARGH!!!!!
(umm..)Not your fault, i'm like that.
And to the frens i'm talking about: Shit you.
Now, it's time for QNS and ANS!#1. What are you doing now?
-Blogging #2. Why? (stupid qns)
-#3. What do you intend to do later?
-Study and eat.#4. Why?
-Cos i want to make my parent proud of me.#5. How are you feeling?
-Angry, pissed, sad, afraid#6. Are you missing anyone (like their faces/behaviour/irritating-ness)?
-No. Maybe i'm not going to miss anyone anymore.#7. Why?
-Cos.. idk, maybe it's cos my imagination seems too real.#8. What subjects are you going to miss?
-POA#9. Any smses from ppl who are concerned about your absence?
-Nope, not today. But in total i got smses from Agnes, Juo Yan, Shirley, Ryan, Jun Yan, Gu Xie, Siti, one unknown person.#10. Hehe, what did they say?
-I don want answer lehhhh.#11. Anything else you want to say?
-Donno. i have a lot ot say but then bu fang bian shuo.#12. ANY LAST WORDS? (Before you publish this post.)
-I
don want to go back to school :( Scared you all bully me then don fren me then i'll be lonely in school, and i'll be left out, and i'll b sad then i'll cry and commit suicide. Then it'll be your fault. Actually, it sounds like a damn good idea to sabo those that i hate. I can write a letter why i commit suicide then i go die. Then when you all read the letter you'll be guilty forever. Muaha. Not bad, not bad.
